Hymns from A Winged Archer

Hi there! this would be my 25th entry to my blog since may of 2005. wow.. has it been that long? Anyways, this entry is about a girl I just got to know quite personally these past few days.

I don’t know why i have this continuing trend where its either I piss off, or get pissed by a girl, hating her with all my guts plus all that and after all that has subsided, we become more than friends, or great friends at the very least. How many times did this uccur? let me see… i’m counting 5.

There’s this girl I know, we met in training, and she was the only girl in the team at that time. Usually, I don’t find the only girl in the group as an attractive thing, a turn off per se; a queen bee at that. I was cordial, polite, maybe even to the point of being friendly with her. A small chat here and there… u know? But still, that was the limit. it is just as it is, please take it at face value. At that time, I was in a serious relationship with serious problems. As i thought things couldn’t get any worse, in the jeep (while saying my farewell to my barx and still thinking, pondering hard on my dillema,) she suddenly, like a punch out of nowhere, she says “Dude, don’t worry…, pagibig lang yan”. Let me give you a brief background on the “rules” and subtlties of a cordial relationship: 1st, never address a person unless you are addressed upon. 2nd, if you were not part of an earlier conversation that other people were having and that you were not a part of, do not, I repeat, do not comment. 3rd, be politically correct. NEVER NEVER answer something that can deeply offend the other person’s personal beliefs. Going back to what she said, “don’t worry, pagibig lang yan”, I never told my problem to anyone else aside from my confidants. that was forgivable. what was not was how she belittled the weight I had at that time on my mind, coming from a person she barely even knew. OUch… As I heard that line, I cursed something in filipino while looking back at her. But I guess the engine of the jeep was simply too loud for her to hear. So the jeep went on it’s way while I, for those that already know that I hold deep hard and painful grudges, built up my extreme hatred towards her.

The days following the incident, I broke up with my current ex, and secretly blamed her for that. I warned those closest to me in training that I had a very deep resentment towards her. I was no longer cordial. I ignored her like an unwanted dog infront of one’s house, I showed friction, every attempt to talk to me I shrugged as if I was annoyed by just being in the same room. I treated her the same way I treat an old rug in the storage room…… insignificant. Though she was a girl, I wished she was not. Then I could exact revenge the way I wanted to, but it was getting to her. all the ignorance, the avoidance.. it got to her i guess. The peak of my anger was when we were all inside a jeep(ironic), heading home, She then asked me some trivial questions, prob’ly just to test the waters of why I was so hostile towards her. I answered them but in a way to show her they were incompetent questions. I looked at her intently then I looked away, as she was, i guess puzzled by the results of her action.

All in all, I held the grudge for about two weeks, not feeling an ounce of remorse or what have you. “Taghana ba naman”, as they would say, I was in a hurry to go to the MRT quezon ave station since i wanted to be early at work. Lo and behold, I see her, wearing but nothing else but jeans and a print t-shirt. “Hi” I said. it was ignored. “HI” i said. She then looked at me with amazement or with disbelief. I forgot the exact words but it’s either one of these: “Are you sure you want to talk to me?”,”Why are you talking to me?”,”How come your talking to me?”. dunno. I myself had the same question… Why? maybe its the mere fact that I had no one to talk to or that I was getting tired or that it’s not like me to let some girl i know, positive circumstances or not) to travel alone or a combination of all. All I know was that I was. “taghan ba naman”- can’t understate that any better. We talked, testing the waters at first. She then asked me why I was avoiding her. I answered “was I?”. But… I spilled he beans anyway, to her disbelief. I told her that since she’s and educator, she should have known if to say something, when to say something, and how to say something. I explained that to her, simply told her that i wished she should have known better, given the fact I had extremely high respects for teachers. I asked that I hoped she understood where I was coming from and where she was standing. Then, after agreeing on starting on a clean slate, slowly but surely though, everything turned for the better.

Things were cool with her and I, though i resented the fact that she was a queen bee, it was ok, she’s cool. During breaks in training, sometimes, she goes to my station and we play flash games. “bowman” to be precise. Hehe, I usually kick her ass in that game, but its a nice start to chat with her that way. I told her we had alot to catch up, being that we lost two weeks (my fault ofcourse). Sometimes though she can be quite obnoxious really being that she is a teacher. “kailangan lamang siya”, so she asks me all these riddles, at least to my perception, to let me know that she IS STILL SUPERIOR…..whatever. Ask all you want, you can’t break me.(”,) hehehehe, we were bickering… but we were talking.. we were laughing …we were friends….

During the last weekend before being immersed in the floor, I was set up by dad to have a date with this former Closeup model or whatever. I happily obliged. During the date though, I had a total reassessment of who, I thought, I was. You know when, for all your life you wanted something you thought was sooo neat and so sooo important. And then finally, once it was in front of you, you find out its not everything you wanted. same thing with that girl. I didn’t really want a trophy gf/wife(?), I just want someone to talk to, over a cup of coffee, or maybe hot coco. I found out that looks really do have it’s limits. I wanted simplicity. I wanted someone simple. During the date, I thought, not of my date, but no one else but the girl i once had angst. true, she’d pale in comparison to my date. but my date lacked substance. the girl i’d faught had real content and character. she’s simple yet hiding her beauty. The weird thing was… why of all people, her?

These thoughts were at the back of my mind ever since that day. And from that day, I enjoyed her company even more. The fun I had teaching such a nieve girl how to bowl, eating somewhere and everywhere, taking time to go with me to the mall to set up an account or simply to linger or talk over a plate full of chicken or burger or to watch a documentary. Suddenly, im thinking of her uncontrollably…. Damn… I like her. The time came when we’d MIRC (we call it “quikcom”) and people would notice. truth be told, any guy that would approach her automatically be scorned with things that “kayo na ba?” or “nililigawan mo ba?”. My case was the same; and though I should not have been defensive, I was. She is older than I am…. By culture, it is a relation that should not be. but I persist. I tell myself should I go on and live a beautiful lie, if it is a lie? Or just let it stop and avoid her? When it comes to a relationship, I usually let my head lead the way… she should be rich, beautiful and have all the right connections… A proper girl… But for once, I hope my heart would show me the way…. “para sa ano pa ako’y nagkaroon ng puso?”. I dont know really. I hope the future would unfold kindly. Ingats….. ^_^

The other day, the group went to Dad’s for a "review" (right… review daw..). I invited estelle plus a friend to tag along since i had a problem that i wanted to talk about. I was really sad that day and I wanted to talk to them. Seriously, for the first time in my life, I told them, i didn’t look at the physical beauty of a person. I had a date last saturday with this uber pretty girl, a former closeup model and, in a few days will be a stuardess in some airline. Expectations were high for me, thinking that she might be too much to handle. And damn was she pretty; the epitome of Pinay beauty. she wore a green mini and a tube top. sheet. we went to the Embassy in the Fort. You know how it is when for your whole life you were focused on getting this one thing.. this one thing! and finally, once you have it, you see that it really was not what you wanted after all. same with her. I always thought I wanted a girl like her, a party goer, hot, outgoing, attractive and quiet. but at the party, i finally knew, not just what i wanted but who i really was. I’d rather go for a good book in a quiet corner of the library or coffee shop than a packed party. I found out that I was a simple person and i go for the same thing in a woman. I found out that I am a reserved person and I don’t just warm up to just anyone, and not just because you are pretty. And most of all, I want a girl that is opinionated, not important that she’d agree with me all the time, just enjoy our talks over an afternoon or picnic. That was who I am. Truth be told, she is a nice girl, but we really are worlds apart and nomatter how pretty you are, im sorry… A second date is out of the question. I was not depressed over the fact that the girl is a bummer.. its that i was looking in the wrong window all this time. I already found the right girl all this time,staring me right in the eye; years passed and now its too late. That day at dad’s I can’t blame them for wanting me to get back with her.. its simply they can’t understand me until they go thru the same thing. So… I just ate 7 plates of dad’s.

A few days ago, after the luckiest first day of work, after taking calls, ever,The group, minus truman, plus Julie went to SM fairview. I had no business there but I thought to tag along anyways. They did their thing until one of my friends said lets go bowling. I had this stupid grin on my face…. shet, fun ito…. not everyone really was excited or pleased with the idea about bowling, none moreso than Teacher Julie. She was a beginner and really just relied on lick to hit pins. We told her not to worry since we all were going to play stupid anyway (right…) … at first, she wanted to quit early in the game because her score was as awful as her form. By that time, JP, Wally and myself were in the "zone" and we decided to teach her how. She was quite reluctant being she drew power from being in command when she teaches. but now the tables were turned. but then, for the first time, she started to enjoy the game (because she was hitting pins finally)…. By the hour’s end she was loving it, if not asking for more. Truth be told, it is so fun to teach somthing new to someone so oblivious and nieve as her. (so i paid the tab for bowling, plus her socks cuz’ she had none at the time). her smile really and her eventual love for the game was payment enuf. But the greatest reward really is that we showed her, as our group, how to have fun (call me mababaw, pero masaya talaga. no need for green jokes or what. just pure clean fun).

At day’s end, after bowling, I met up with estelle for a pepsquad UP concert thing. I did promise that i’d go so I waited for her at Jollibee near Philcoa. We then rode to UP theater in her car. The cuzzin that had our ticket was sortof late so we strolled around the sunken garden. There was a protest thing going on at that time and they had this funky music thing going on and it was so cool!. Suddenly, estelle got the munchies for coconut but then bought overpriced C2 instead (what the hell, its her money..). We then sat in this bench and right infront of us was this view of absolute serenity. I tell you, it was so beautiful, the trees, the lighting.. like straight out of a painting. After a hard day’s play of bowling, it was what the doctor ordered. But, like so much of my time with estelle, we argued and the picture of serenity vanished. The cuzz came and we entered. I don’t know why but I always felt out of place when i’m with esti’s relatives. I hope they don’t get the wrong idea, really. The concert was great bytheway, and so was her cuzz. problem was, it was already 9:30 and I desperately needed some sleep. at first, i didn’t tell her being that she’s a good friend and I enjoy her company. but when her relatives wanted to eat out somewhere far far away, sorry estelle, im really tired. I was supposed to be sleeping by 5:30 but, she was a dear friend and I only see her, once so often. So i placed it nicely. And imagine that… we don’t fight that often no more… cool!

anyways, got to go, im with my grand parents right now, I love them more than writing blogs, so im signing out! (",)

I really just have a few words for this, not that I could not react to who wrote this, but a few words are enough…. Isn’t it nice to see the same phenom that brought our "good" President to power is the same phenom that is taking the power away from her? How ironic. The arrest of Prof. David was an empty victory for GMA. what it really showed the vulnurability and the desparation of the current president to stay in her high chair, specially during the previous days. The arrest of the prof was a calculated move. The eventual repercussions were not. Looks like the military is thinking twice. The same military that once, under angelo reyes, that is slowly, but steadily withdrawing support. If left stagnant, It would only be a matter of time………Really Ironic.

Go ahead and say that what happened in EDSA was stupid. simply and strictly as opinion, you may have some, if any weight. But as a fact, It was pure brilliance. it showed the fragility of the current government in so many ways, how can you call that stupid? The president calling a state of emergency for what?! Weak… oh so weak. I should give extra points to whoever planned this. One thing he, or she, did not plan is ,not really the number of the people supporting or not supporting the current administration, it is the frequency of the support they give. truth be told, people are selfish and are quick to change sides really, given that it won’t cost them a dime.raison d’ tere why GMA survived. it takes too much time of their day when they can be at home sleeping.

If you were to ask me if I was anti or pro GMA, i’d say neither. I’m just a spectator just telling it as it is. and im telling it as it is. They, like the people of edsa one and two (even three), had the right to speak their mind off, regardless if it was an aniversary or not. a big FU*K YOU to those that say otherwise. All to often we see people complain, day in and day out but do not put it into action. Now that they are putting their words into action, who are we to stop them?They wouldn’t be in the street anyway if there was no reason to be angry. Confucius once noted that only thru threat of action can reforms be done. Same thing could be said about threatening with a whip, a dog to do a trick. Same can be said about our president. She is now forced into a corner , a prisoner’s dillema if I may, to preserve the status quo leading to wrath of the people or reform and stay in power. A means to an end. if it means either option for the betterment of our fair country. I really don’t care what she picks though. She’s so dumb to know any different anyway. Hehehe, that’s the good thing about not siding with anyone. I can lambast anyone and everyone.

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"have those people in UP. fell of their rocker?? the bellends are just pissing me off!! you say you buggers know what you are blabbering about? injust is the arrest of prof david? F*&K no!! he was egging the the idiots on!! yeah he wasn’t holding up a pitch fork. a red flag, a torch, and screaming for the blood of gloria.. and don’t play stupid with me. and do not insult the inteligence of prof. david!! the mere fact that he showed up with the people on edsa last friday. was enough for the bloody bufoons to get the courage to go and defy the gov’t, he is a freaking celebrity for #$%^& sake!!! AND WHY?? OH WHY?? do you people keep saying that those people were celebrating the aniversary of the 1st edsa?? are you idiots BLIND?? the imbicilles walking along edsa werent waving "HAPPY ANIVERSARY EDSA1" werent they? they were waving out gme banners!!!! i say arrest the idiots and hang them for treason!!!! you think the exhulted name of the collage of law in UP has been besmirched?? wow how does it feel? you jackasses have been doin that to gma for the longgest time!! have you ever heard of the phrase, freedom of speech does not give you LICENCE to say anything you want!!! you have responcibility!!!\\ or are you to STUPID TO COMPREHEND THAT???"