Hymns from A Winged Archer

Sigh… Iv’e been about 2 months into my Sabbathical now and It really, really… sigh… dull. First and foremost, Im sorry Im not posting as frequent as before. I am no longer in Mandaluyong, now residing at my old neighborhood in QC. We havnt placed any service as of now to have an internet connection. For that, I am sorry.

Like I said, My vacation is not what I expected. I find myself alone in the house most of the time, or alone at my dad’s office, at equal degrees. I always knew that I would eventually sink into this state, but not this early in the game. To tell the truth, I find it so lonely and I am so desparate, I contacted the person who I thought, I’d never talk to because of failing me so much. But I did. I miss my life. I tried getting myself into a "real" and down to earth Job so that I may have the chance to talk with people I have yet to meet. Another catastrophe… to cut the details short, in the exams, I recieved top in the IQ test (136), top in arithmetic, and top in the essay portion where they commented my essay was brilliant. This job was to be a "sales Assistant" at Guicci or something at GB4. So I passed the exam and was basically hired after two interviews. training followed after two days and once again, fot the better part of that day, I was the best. Then, the trainer was lecturing us what is allowed and not allowed in the store. No bracelet, no anklet, no glasses… all was fine to me actually for I can remove them and place them back later. and then the trainer said " no braces"… WHAT? NO BRACES? THIS IS GLUED TO ME UNTIL THE END OF TREATMENT!!! at first, they didnt notice until the trainer jokingly said to face each other and smile to see who has braces. damn, I had them. The trainer was deeply surprised and said "what did personell say about it?" I said they were interviewing me the whole time and we never touched the damn subject. Is it my fault that I was already in and that your personell did a sloppy job at screening? I had no fault in this, and I have wasted so much time and effort getting here. FUck… we argued for hours until I saw that arguing with those ignorant people was pointless. I am never keen on failing, nor have I felt good with it. Damn…. shet… maybe they deserved mediocracy and not someone at par with me. and maybe im destined to be lonely and not to meet and greet strangers…

going back to the main subject. My problem right now is so much like having a Relationship. At first, I loved the Idea of being on a break for an extended period of time, much like leaving or not having a GF. yeah, at first, it was so fun. so much fun infact that I got tired easily of it. then it became a routine for me. it became boring, obsolete and lonely. Then I Start missing them. until you want them back but you then come to the end of it thinking that it was my decision and only I am accountable for it. It was I who lead a very bad and very virtual, shallow, and artificial relationship with a girl I bearly liked. It was I who was responsible for picking and going to DLSU. And it was my decision to end it all. now, all I have is myself and nothing else. Alone in an over crowded world. Sigh. damn… I need an outlet and fast. hehehe. hope I get to post here again soon. (",)